Next up we have a gargantuan product coming out of Northport, NY, Johnny Giertl. I have no idea how to pronounce his name because I have been strung out on ketamine and Honey Packs for the last 36 hours, so forgive me, Jonathan. Standing at 6’3 and weighing in at 210 pounds of mustard gas and Kool-aid, don’t be surprised if he ends up showing up to your house in the skeleton Halloween costume that has the steaming boner attached to it. Grease-Ball Giertl is currently committed to Roger Williams University. Thank god they only drink Hazy Little Thing IPAs and Heinikens over there because they would be absolutely fucked if any Voodoo Rangers and Stellas were lying around because that is the only thing Johnny drinks. He has coined the nickname “Johnny Sins”. Not sure if it is because of the copious amount of box he gets or because he will be balding by the age of 23. Nonetheless, I have tremendous respect for him because his favorite song is “Semi Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind and he is in the .05% of future listeners. That number is not even a third of my Blood Alcohol Level this past weekend, but thats a story for another day.
Skill: 6.9/10
On Ball Defense: 8.2/10
Footwork: 7.1/10
Rizz: 3.4/10
Music Taste: 9.7/10
Overall Score: 72/100
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