What a weekend of lax, can only imagine how electric Philly is going to be. Some staff members will be in attendance, look for the guys wearing diors and comparing net worths with homeless people, you might just get a free bag!
Duke vs Maryland
I’m not sure how Duke blew this game. They had quite literally everything handed to them and they still couldn’t win the game. Maryland had about 1000 turnovers in the first half which alone would’ve given them enough opportunities to be up by at least 10. I’ve never seen a team fall apart so quickly and there is no one to blame but Danowski. How do you not make a single adjustment at the faceoff the whole game and just let an injured Naso get skullfucked by Weirmans 12” All American rope. Then at the end of the game you don’t even have Brennan O’Neil taking the final shot. I mean this game just showed how shitty Danowski is I’ve never seen a coach do less with more and it’s a shame O’Neil’s career ended up being a bust. Anyways Maryland was fucking electric. Seeing Jack Brennan score made me tear up with joy and watching ATL Legend Ryan Siracusa go to work with 3 Genos made me want to purchase a hellcat with a loan I can’t afford and pursue SoundCloud rapping. Moments after this game Log “fuck your bitch” Mcnaney absolutely unleashed on Max Sloats girlfriend with the Corning NY special after he saved that final shot. Ajax put the fucking clamps on Zawada, Cousin Mally playing like a beauty on O, Erksa was bumping 2016 lil uzi in his head and playing like a fucking beauty and ripped some backwoods with sircusa in the locker room after I mean what more could you ask for. Great work Maryland by outgritting those liberal sjws at Duke that thought they could just coast and get to the natty.
ND Georgetown
Not much to say here honestly, just wish I saw more Kade Goldberg on the field for Georgetown. I think it’s a different game if James Ball plays but Notre Dame still looks unstoppable. I mean you throw Devon “noise complaint” Mclane on a team with the Kavanughs and nailguns like Uncle Dobson and Reily Gray you see what happens.
Denver vs Cuse
#NiceGameJoey. Incredibly disappointed in Cuses performance. I don’t even think Denver was that good maybe a few nice defensive plays here and there but Finners and Spallina played like they were off some Shrooms they bought from a guy named Ponderosa, Mule was too busy thinking about the Tri Delt birds back home and I don’t even know what was good with Will Mark. Gaits still riding the Kona big waves from the night before and can’t make a single adjustment on O at all. I mean at some point you just gotta say fuck it and throw in Blake Borges. The only guy I fucked with on Denver was the big fella and former Richmond legend (IYKYK) Richie Connell and he didnt even find twine. I’ll give Dan Anderson some credit as well thought it was pretty sty when he came off that slide and ate joeys lunch. Second half I thought cuse was going to make it happen but just didn’t have it in them, multiple opportunities even in the last minute and just sold. Sad to see some absolute legends like Mark, Stevens, Kohke, and English go out like that. Don’t even get me started on how I felt when Griffin Cook played his final game. I think Denver looks quite poised to get absolutely skullfucked by Pat and Chris Kavanaugh.
UVA vs Hopkins (Tyler Zanders)
Whats up fellas, Tyler Zanders here. Absolutely buckled to join this fine firm. Quick bio about myself: I graduated from St. Paul’s (New Hampshire) in 2008, excelling on JV lax all 4 years. I then went to Alabama and got kicked out after a year for being a complete booze bag, emphasis on bag. Been in between jobs since then, but happy to finally land on my feet. Enough about me, let’s fucking get into it.
What a fucking game on Sunday. Two blue bloods going head to head, nothing more you could’ve asked for. Hop got out to a hot start going for 4/4 , courtesy of Matt Nunes eyes being covered in Menckes cum from the night before. Haven’t seen a cold streak like this since Rabil’s divorce. Luckily Lars put in Kyle Morris (future big country). Hustle Melendez took a break from learning “wonderwall” on guitar and actually had a good day. It was a battle between him and former high school teammate Mikie Harmeyer. I can see why they’re buddies... Ok I’ll lay off of him for now. Bad day for big country Cormier going 9% shooting with 1g. Still a fucking legend tho and expect a big bounce back for him against the Terps. After halftime it was all Cavs. No clue what Lars said to the defense but Mountain Man Ben Wayer was off a fucking bean. Even Collison was scared of that fucker. Face off X was fucked the whole game. The most controversial fucking shit of all time was Millons crease dive. Gave me PTSD to taking Penn state money line and Leadmon shafting me in the asshole. It was debatable for sure. He tip toed that line like me getting erotic massages while I’m happily married. Nonetheless they let it count and then Shelly buries the OT winner standard and ferda. Followed the script to tee. Potential last game, against his former committed team, that shit made me cry. Shoutout Noah JizzOnMyfaceMar for just being a grit stallion all game. I think if Schutz and Cormier can get laid this week the Hoos might just have a fighting chance.
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