Now that the championships are over, there are a few D3 guys moving up to the big boy league, and some D1 guys who realized that they should tone it back a bit and move down to D3. I’ve been on a nonstop bender since Championship Weekend, haven’t paid any taxes, and am currently on bail after shooting the IRS agents who showed up to my front door (apparently stand your ground laws don’t apply to Feds). When I was talking to my attorney, I found out he played lacrosse at #LGBTufts, and almost fired him right off the job, until he told me that he was there before the D’annolfo era, before they went all Pelosi and ruined the good name of the Nescac.
I’m not surprised that the majority of these guys moving up to D1 are Nescac, because even though some people tarnished the Nescac's rep, when it comes to the game we are the best conference in D3 year in and year out.
Zack Goorno to Maryland:
Zack Goorno is a beast, and he is the reigning 2 time DMid of the year in D3. I think that he’ll be getting time pretty much immediately in Maryland, he’s got the IQ, size, strength, and athleticism to make a huge impact. Maryland's Dmids didn’t exactly stand out in a great way, especially against Notre Dame when their close defense did a pretty solid job of covering man to man. I think that Goorno would immediately help solve that problem. This guy’s a forklift on the field, and was the two time captain for the Pbears. His off field performance isn’t as good as his on field performance, but it’ll definitely get better after being in College park and hanging out with nail guns in the big leagues like Sean Creter.
Will Byrne to Michigan:
This move was well known at Bowdoin for a minute and I think Will Byrne will ball the hell out in the big 10. I can see him playing and starting at the lefty attack. I can also see him being the focal point of their offense, especially since Michael Boehm graduated. Byrne has the skill, and the handles to make a similar impact and demands that same kind of respect when he’s on the field. In the best schools of the ACC, the attack is usually just too loaded for the best guy in D3 the year before to not be running out of the box, but that’s not the case at Michigan. Will is a man built for others and there'll be more snow in Ann Arbor than Siberia with him on the team next year.
Ethan Barnard to Rutgers:
One of the best FOGO’s in all of D3, and definitely the best in the nescac, EB should be seeing some time at Rutgers as long as he stays healthy. He has great speed, athleticism, and can make plays in transition. He brings great technique and was able to win it to himself almost at will when he was playing in the ‘Cac. He is a beast off the field as well, he’s already got himself a bird, and I’m hyped to see him ball out and dominate the die table with the Kurdyla bros.
DJ Dixon to Michigan:
Michigan gets another stud out of the ‘Cac, as DJ Dixon will be a beast running out of the box for the Wolverines. He was arguably one of the best, if not the best midfielder in the Nescac. Michigan already has two potent options on there offense, and if they get some more middies to share the load, they could be looking like Wesleyan did this year, where everyone on that first line can dominate their matchup and draw a slide. My mistress Crystal was thinking about Will Byrne and DJ Dixon sharing the field as teammates, and I ended up replacing some cushions on The Reel Deal after. I can’t blame her either, Michigan is going to be a threat in the big 10 with this lineup.
Michael Grace to Cuse:
One of the best defenders in D3 this year, and one of the few guys to hold Will Byrne to one goal, I think that he might split time down low with Caccamo, or take some runs as an LSM. If any of the Cuse starting three fucks up, he will definitely be in the mix. I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m hyped for this 6’5 Canadian stud to lock up some of the ACC’s best during the day, and party all night at DKE. He’s definitely a no-spitter when it comes to lip pillies and is already sleeping in the Tri delt house.
Dom Zingo to Jacksonville:
Deep South to deeper south, Dom Zingo was a nail gun out of Lynchburg who had an unbelievable season as their best close defender. The ODAC is always pretty good, and they are one of the grittiest conferences in all of D3. Arguably America’s conference, these guys are the pride of the South and of all hardworking blue collar beasts in D3. He’s a specimen with great coverage ability, and I can’t wait to watch him clamp up some other schmucks who didn’t have the grit to match, and murder cases of Busch and get blowies on the beach after. Florida birds are a pretty solid step up from rural Virginia, so expect him to absolutely wheel and deal. It's a shame Gordon Ogden got injured and transferred before Zingo made it down to Duval because it would've been sick to see these guys share the field.
There may be more to come, and I know there's always a few guys who move from D1 down to D3. Usually those guys either ball out or they fade into irrelevance because they just stopped caring but either way, what matters is that its the summer and if you aren't a high schooler stuck on the club circuit, that means it's time to get after it and wheel some birds, play some beerball and stay hard.
Cheers,
Ford Blumpkinton VI
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