Ford's D3 Top 10

It's been a minute, I was on a big game hunting trip in Tanzania with other associates at Stroker and Co, killing elephants and selling their tusks to make Vietnamese viagra.  There wasn’t a lot of bag to touch out there, so we made our own with rhino horns and let me just say, enough of that can make you find Indian girls attractive.  Anyways, their was some serious noise in D3, and I’m going to have to make a revised rankings.  Amherst dipped quite a bit, they lost Bob Gross for a few games, and then ate shit after.  They lost to teams they could’ve beat like Wesleyan and Williams, and should’ve had more dominant wins against Bates and Hamilton.  

Definitely still a good team, but not the wagon I thought they would be.  Bowdoin has recovered from that Amherst loss pretty well, and Tufts is still the best team in the country. I thought it would be good to post a d3 rankings because inside lacrosse isn't great at that, and there has been a lot of shifts happening as the season went on.

 10.  Washington & Lee

The ODAC has to be my second favorite conference in all of D3.  Booze, cherry skoal, and brunettes with biblical tits wearing cowboy hats are what fuel this team.  Winning 31 to zip against a team is an absolute war crime, but these guys are ruthless and don’t give a flying fuck about anyone else after Tufts edged them out last year.  I have high hopes for the generals this year.

9. Amherst

Almost disappointed with this team.  I had high hopes for the mammoths, and I still do, but it's clear that when Bob Gross was out the offense had trouble finding their rhythm against teams they should beat.  If everyone on the team is healthy and ready to go, I still believe that they can beat some very good teams and pull off an upset.  

8. Gettysburg

Gritty team.  Frank Barbera is the best defender in the centennial, and is a no spitter when it comes to packing a lip.  They have a great offense too, with specimens like Jack Dunleavy and Ethan Kessler.  These guys have done great work in their conference, but the York loss was a complete fluke.  I think that they can do some damage on their way up to the natty, but they haven’t been tested enough for me to put them any higher.  I expect them to lose in the second round of the tournament.  

7. Wesleyan

Great team.  Great players.  The dirty birds are one of the best teams in the country, but they had so many uncaused turnovers against Bowdoin, I can’t put them any higher.  They need to clean up their passes in the clear, but they have look great 6v6.  They have some of the hotter women in the ‘Cac too.  Lots of potential though, but if they wanna win the natty, they need to have James “Crack” Bailey sniff more rock.    

6.CNU

The CNU captains have a pretty good team this year.  Only two losses are Tufts and Salisbury, and people might tell me they should be ranked higher.  They have a great win over W&L, but struggled against Williams, a team that fraudulently made it into the Nescac tourney over Trinity.  They don’t actually party as hard as other teams, and the birds are lowkey clapped, so unless they start hiring Slovenian escorts to come to their keggers, their success won’t be sustainable.

5. RPI

These guys can sling the rock, and sniff it too.  There are some sneaky rockets at this school as well, which can explain why these guys are so underrated.  They don’t need to travel far for pregame muff, their soccer and field hockey teams have more sleepers than al qaeda who can give life changing double wristers.  Tyler Ruffini is an absolute stallion from Long island and his qb abilities behind the cage are some of the best in D3.  

4. RIT

Good team, but that loss to Tufts is ugly.  They struggled against Clarkson, and couldn’t put up double digits on Ithaca which is honestly a little sus.   They still have plenty of nailguns from up north, and I’d expect them to make it far in the national tournament, but they need to show some more grit, which is never something I’d thought I’d say about this team.

3. Bowdoin

I might get my balls busted for putting them at 3, but they arguably have one loss (Tufts loss was fraudulent, they should’ve won), and rebounded from it really well.  They run a train on the other teams in transition, and are underrated 6v6.  There are a lot of bag touchers on this team, and they booze pretty hard, but that’s out of necessity because the average bowdoin woman looks absolutely chopped.  Lot lizards in the back of hannafords are typically the best option if these guys are on the prowl for poon.  Coach Mason is putting the starting offense on an edging streak until they atone for that loss in OT.

2. Salisbury

They don’t just partake in Fent Fridays, Meth Mondays and Whippet Wednesdays.  These guys do sizzurp Saturdays and Tramadol tuesdays.  Might end up being the best team in the country, or choke like Piper Perri in a blacked.com video during elite 8.  Brice Bromwell, you have my permission to fuck my wife.  

1. Tufts

Big Don’s plan to make the Nescac great again hasn’t totally worked out yet, because the Jumbos had a fraudulent win against the dirty Pbears.  I don’t know how these guys do it because the options for wheeling birds aren’t great, and getting head from a boston chick feels like sticking your johnson in a paper shredder.  Maybe, it’s because they all fuck each other #LGBTufts.  Wouldn’t be surprised. 

Anyway, that's all there is for this weekend, the Nescac tournament is coming up and I don't expect any surprises, it will likely come down to Bowdoin and Tufts. Should be an entertaining watch, and I think its absolute bullshit that Trinity didn't make it in.

Cheers, Ford