Submitted this article as my senior thesis, it did not go very well and now I am selling life insurance to non native English speakers at unspeakably high profit margins.
Levels- Avicii
R.I.P. the GOAT. Levels is arguably one of the most famous songs and tunes of all time. The bass and beat drop are appropriate for any environment, whether you are in the bedroom, Frat Row or ripping some quad pulls before the big game. This song is for sure to get the boys teed up, even if you are playing Lindenwood. It also has infinite remix potential, and everytime I hear it remixed with anything I immediately seek the nearest broad and motorboat her. It is an indisputable number 1.
2. Dreams and Nightmares- Meek Mill
This could have been number 1, but the fact that your coach makes you play the clean version during warmups puts this at number 2. It's another song that everybody knows the words to. If you don’t, get the fuck out and go spank your noodle in the bathroom stall until you do. This is a gameday anthem for any rich, private school white guy across the country and is shown to increase Testosterone numbers if listened to biweekly.
3. Power Kanye West
This is an all time walk out song. The intro to this song is absolutely unmatched. This song gets me goin whether I’m gearing up for men’s league or gearing up to rip a risky 2am text. The point is, this song gets you riled up. It can make even the smallest events feel like the mother fucking Super Bowl.
4. Enter Sandman- Metallica
This is the only rock song on the list. And for good reason. There's nothing better than getting rowdy with some dads who haven’t loved their wives for decades, but love college lax, alcohol, and this song. Virginia Tech football has started this tradition, but D3 lacrosse will soon glorify it. This song makes you want to get a 30 rack of Natty Lite, grab a sledgehammer, and just start banging mailboxes.
5. Jumpman- Drake, ft. Future
One of the best songs of all time. An absolute head bopper. The way Drizzy says "Wooo" after every "Jumpman", gives you a little tingle in your balls. Makes you want to hit a mean stanky leg and then spend 3 minutes in the penalty box for cross checking a kid in the throat. I can assure you that listening to this song will get you hung like Drake himself and allow you to give a woman the best 3 minutes of her life.
6. Many Men- 50 Cent
Get yourself a lot of men, a locker room, smelling salts, or maybe some coke and have your way with them. And then get a large speaker and play this song full blast. While doing blow. My coworker Essexs Commonwealth was recently quoted saying “brave ones do it before practice, bravest ones do it before games.” Read that again.
7. Swag Surfin'- Fast Life Youngstaz
This song is a bit under the radar but it is an all time classic. I first discovered this song when I watched the 2019 LSU Football National Championship Hype video. The clip of Ja'marr Chase and Justin Jefferson hitting a mean griddy into their signature handshake got me aroused. It also made me cheef the absolute fuck out of my vape. For that reason, Swag Surfin' is on this list.
8. Freestyle- Lil Baby
"SHOUT OUT MY LABEL THAT'S ME, I'M IN THIS BITCH WITH TB, I'M IN THIS BITCH WITH 4 TREY, I JUST POURED UP ME AN 8, REAL ***** ALL IN MY FACE, FIVE HUNNID RACKS IN MY SAFE, FIVE HUNNID RACKS TO THE PLUG, WHAT YOU KNOW 'BOUT SHOWING LOVE?"
Many have called this their national anthem
Many have also banged a 6 when times got tough.
9. Kill The Lights- Alex Newell, Jess Gylnee & DJ Cassidy
All of us should know this EDM BANGER. This song is fucking electric. It makes you want to put your hands in the air and do the frat fist pump. This is a song that makes your dick hard and will have you going bar-mexy all game. The tendie's ears will for sure be ringing.
10. Pump It Up- Endor
Does anything really need to be said? This song is a pantie dropper. Makes me want to punch a hole through the excel file on my screen and turn on some John Grant Jr highlights. You will turn into prime Joey Spallina if you listen to this. If you don't, you will surely be like Brittney Griner or Paul Rabil.
11. John - Lil Wayne
Usually the last song I hear before hitting the field and the last thing I hear before blacking out, studies have shown that this song has the same effect as 1000 mg of caffeine, 100mg of adderall, and a little sniff out of the bag in your sock. Gives me the jitters in the best way.