Welcome back for part 2 gentlemen, let's dive right in.
B Tier
Coach Demaio & Booker Corrigan (Package Deal)
Coach Demaio dabbles in calling games with Booker Corrigan (legend) as a side gig to his coaching dynasty, watching his gigantic family of lax studs tickle corners, and DJing the afterparties. This boozehound leads the charge on the field and at the bar, and all in his presence look to him to set the tone. Crack a Bud Light around this stallion and see what happens, I fucken dare you. A true gift from the Creator. As for Corrigan, not much to say other than he’s a total nailgun legend and send best wishes to his wife. Not joking about this one, hope she continues to get better. Praying for your family brother.
Ryan Boyle
Truly feel bad for the guy. He’s a pretty good commentator but he always gets stuck having to babysit Carc. Boyle’s main list of tasks consist of ripping Cope Wintergreen (no spitter) and changing the subject when Carc gets a little too descriptive telling the story of being in the delivery room witnessing a player’s birth. Hope PLL isn’t too brutal for you this summer brother.
C Tier
Me and Preston after a 24 pack and an 8 ball
This one’s pretty straight forward. 3 things you need to know about Preston and I: we’re boozehounds, we touch bag, and we know ball. That’s pretty much all it takes to call a lacrosse game. One time back at Stevens I cranked a four loko (gold) and hopped in the booth to call a game while I was injured. Coach told me that was my best performance of the season (he was 100% joking I promise). With me on the call and Preston doing color analysis we’d make a hell of a commentary team after a darty and that’s a fact.
D Tier
Every Other Commentator Ever
Except for the guy from The Mount.
Jules Heningburg
ESPN just announced the commentary teams for the NCAA Tournament and thankfully Jules only gets one game.
E Tier
Jake Marsh
While I respect the enthusiasm and effort he puts into play by play, pretty awful in general and then you stick him on a PLL game where he couldn’t know less about the sport if he tried. There were a couple times last summer where I just muted my TV because I was angry listening to him. Love you on PMT brother, let’s stick to that .
Complete Silence
Mute your TV if you see any F tier guys calling the game you’re about to watch.
F Tier
Carc
Oh Carc. I guess I’ll start with no one fucken cares how many guys you’ve known since they were 3 years old (how, this needs to be investigated), the amount of dinners you’ve taken players’ families out to in order to get a shot at their daughters, and how many years it’s been since you last touched a lacrosse field. Carc seems to have a way of coming up with something more and more sus to say about a guy every time I hear him on a call. The other night during the draft he wouldn’t shut up about how good a guy’s wrists were. PAUSE. It’s never ending, and it’s mind boggling to me how many different ways he can describe the game of lacrosse in a way that makes you go “ayo what the fuck did he just say?” His last mock draft had Shelly going first for clicks like he didn’t know weeks in advance it was gonna be O’Neill, I could go on and on. I think much of the lacrosse community will agree with me on this one, the guy’s downright unbearable but he’s been around so long that he’ll never get canned.
Quint
Remember when Quint dropped the N word when referring to a black guy during a football game? That was funny. Quint is Carc’s partner in crime, and the crime is stealing the enjoyment of watching lacrosse from the fans of the sport. Another guy who’s been grandfathered in to lacrosse commentary due to the length of time he’s been around the game. Also, this guy’s a total dweeb. My buddy Stu invited Quint to one of our kickbacks one time and after his first beer I didn’t see him again until he woke me up leaving our crib at 6am the next morning. Who the fuck wakes up at 6am on a Sunday? Drink a fucken beer and take it down a notch Quint, life is good man.
Pehlke
No need to expand on this one. If you missed the game he called earlier this year go look it up on YouTube. I respect the attempt but similar to Jake Marsh let’s know our strengths here. Best of luck with your future endeavors that do not include commentary.
Well gentlemen that rounds out the lacrosse commentators tier list. Let me know what you think of the final list and if you disagree with me you're wrong because my opinion is always right. Just kidding, I'm not a lib, we can have a debate and agree to disagree. Enjoy this Quint lore on your way out.
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