Wow, this has been a wild week! I’ve been meaning to get this article out, but I’ve been slammed. Me and and a few Milbrook school buddies went on a vacation to Philipines, where I unfortunately got roofied by a hooker and lost my wallet. I also contracted what I believe to be Dengue fever, and have bedbound since returning home. Nonetheless, this week I'll be talking Bennet Ong, a national treasure.
Bennet Knox Ong, born raised in New Canaan, CT, is a true American hero. Not only is his middle name literally the Amercian fort where they hold the fuckin US gold stash, but I’ve heard from sources that he was voted a top 10 soldier at West Point. He’s truly an inspiration to all the skinny boys, with his Insidelacrosse recruiting profile listing him as 5’8”, 130 (not sure when it was last updated) while the Army roster website lists him as 6’2”, 200. Could these numbers be a little boosted? Yes. Could he have possibly done a cycle? Yes, and I think this is a more likely explanation. Take a look for yourself, Big Ben really packed on muscle from freshman to senior year at New Canaan.
At New Canaan, Bennet was a First Team All State Hockey player, probably due to his pregame ritual of butt chugging a Bud light to ‘get the nerves out’ (He has since trashed this ritual, after the incident, and has replaced Bud light with Voodoo rangers). As his surname suggests, he was a lover of the bong, but has since made the switch to 6mg peppermint Zyns. Despite only getting 3:08 of pt last year, and 2:22 so far this year, I heard Bennet visited friend of the firm Ben “the Jet” Jette (@ben.jette.lax) and got a palm reading, where he said Cousin Ong will be a First teamer in the coming years. He’s a 1984 Mack 18 wheeler in the pipes, and his time will come eventually.
Off the field, Onger is a gem. I hear is a a bit of a pigeon with his girl, but there’s no shame in being a simp if the dome can make your rocket limp. He loves to play catan, but can be seen more playing fortnite with Reese Burek and Joe albericis son, Maximus who I heard is gross. Bennet has 110 career wins, and doesn't plan on stopping there. Loves himself some Brisk, Chobani yogurt, and Alan's best. Not sure how he'll be in the actual military, I could see him doing some humanitarian shit, but also he could be the type of guy to put a bullet in Bin Laden. Shoutout @bennet_fanpage_1 on Instagram, everyone go and follow it for daily Ong pictures. Cheers!
Comments