Alright fellas, after a two week long coke bender and a lot of bad decisions, I am back with a new blog. I am so pleased to be dropping this new piece, but could not have done it without my good pal Luther. Long-dick Lu played his glory days at Mount Saint Joe circa 2004, so he has all the ins and outs of the MIAA. Hope you enjoy!
1. Loyola Blakefield
These guys are the mecca of MIAA partying. Some even say they go harder than a stone carver in ancient Mesopotamia circa 5900 BC (Bag (of) Coke). It’s always snowing on Chestnut Ave, so be prepared to bring a bottle of Indian Vodka and an expired Plan B. Rumor has it the higher-ups of the program booze with the player post-game and get into some Colombian Bam Bam on their off days. I have never seen more booze than when I am getting piss drunk with the Dons.
2. Gilman
Lots of excitement and allegations surrounding this program, and my dick is full mass at the thought of that. Groping and naked laps are the two pillars of this program, as guys have been known to get handsy at functions. Also, my buddy Romulus told me that a teacher makes kids run around the park naked for extra credit. This is the last of the Greyhound’s glory years, as they lose a ton of legendary senders to something called college or some shit. The 2024-2025 year is the year of the crank, so keep cranking it fellas, even though they haven’t won the MIAA chip since before the internet was created.
3. Calvert Hall
Unfortunately, the Cardinals have fallen down in the ranks due to the departure of several boozehounds throughout the past few years, especially the boys between the pipes. Their managers pull up to games absolutely peppercorned without any remorse. They are able to gel fairly well with the neighboring private schools so as a result the guys are often invited to mixers with St. Mary’s and Severna Park girls.
4. Boys Latin
At one point in time, the Lakers were at the mountaintop of partying. From the most notorious two man of Shack and Wells Stanwick to Pat Spencer butt-chugging every Thursday night, to the Pietramalas making everyone feel uncomfortable in the locker room, BL really had it all. But ever since they started bringing in out-of-state kids who go to the bar alone, they have seen quite a dropoff in criminal activity. They also have a tendency to not get along with other schools, leading to poor relationships with women, but overall they are a bunch of chillers.
These guys just squeaked into the Top 5 and I’m still not fully convinced that they booze hard enough. They have a sick-ass girls team full of #rockets but other than that there ain’t much going on. Their attack duo has been carrying the team in booze so they will turn to those two nailguns next year on and off of the field.