Over the weekend the Maryland Terrapins took down Syracuse with a final score of 11-7. This outcome absolutely shocked the fuck out of the lax world and more specifically our firm. Every member of our staff had Syracuse going belt to ass, but none of y’all would know that because I forgot to post our weekend picks. #MyFaultOGiWasHung. Nonetheless, both teams got fucken after it postgame, and the headlines are as follows:
Eric Spanos, Danny Kelly, and Bryce Ford were both seen doing Fortnite dances around campus after going pull for pull with the Texas Nue 80-proof vodka. That shit is straight jet fuel for anyone looking to sling dick and drop two Gs on Syracuse this year.
John Tillman took his bi-weekly drip to the northwest region of Rwanda right after the game ended. He introduced the local people there to the art of a key bump and talked 10 man rides and zone offense with the prime minister. Princeton, you are FUCKED next weekend.
Michael Leo had two Tri Delt chicks attached to his hips as he paraded down Euclid Ave with his piece scraping the pavement. They were twins named Ziggy and Zofia. Zofia has been nicknamed TG around campus. Throat Goat. Ziggy can suck a golf ball through a god damn garden hose. Enough said. Cheers Mikey.
Jimmy McCool is looking to go pro in porn and Mike Grace got his shit ran at Harrys postgame. #ItWasJustABarFight. Garry Gait was caught playing tonsil hockey with a high schooler and John Odierna just posted hella wrench in the corner because he is the fucking boy.
Logan McNaney. Logan fucking McNaney. After being above 60% through the first three games this year he can do just about anything he wants. He has been spending an awful ammount of time in the sophomore dorms simply because he loves to let his primal side out on twin XL mattress.
Maryland will take on Princeton next Saturday and Syracuse will host Harvard in the Dome. Two sending heavy weights vs. two bag-less Ivys. As per usual: fuck the Ivy league.
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