Well boys, back down to earth. I basically got exactly what I deserved after starting last week's article off glazing the fuck out of myself so I'll put that on hold for a bit. What a weekend of lacrosse, some big games with some tight scores in UMD Loyola and Utah Delaware, and shoutout to Iona for grabbing their first "official" D1 win #HamptonIsntReal #JVTeam. Let's get into this week's plays and right the ship here.
2025 Season Record
Record: 2-2
Risk: $300.00
Winnings: $319.00
Net Gain/Loss: +19.00
#NiceProfitMarginTan After getting stuffed by Denver and NJIT last week I had to do a bit of self reflection. Here's what I determined:
That's what I get for betting against one of our great nation's service academies.
St. John's are officially out of the bottom tier of D1.
Coaches who tell their players not to shoot at the empty net when the losing team is doubling the ball and have their tendy out of the cage are fucking pussies. Oh no, we're only up 6 goals, what if we miss the cage and they come down and score? Then we'll only be up 5 with 30 seconds left! Pussy. Denver was up 6 and I grabbed them at -6.5. Watching them staring at an empty net and running for their lives playing keep away was agonizingly painful for both me and the guys who had to do the keeping away. What the fuck is even the point. Pussy shit. That is not #TheMathersWay.
This week is different though. I like a lot of these lines much more than I did last week. Let's talk about them.
Air Force +6.5 @ Ohio State, Syracuse -3 @ Maryland. +249
Wager: $50 to pay: $174.76
Wagner +4 vs. The Mount. -115
Wager: $50 to pay: $93.47
I actually want to start with the second play first in this breakdown because we're going back to the well. Holy absolute fuck is The Mount a terrible lacrosse team. I genuinely don't understand it. Losing to LIU by 3 is bad enough, but then you go and lose to the fucken Bonnies? Those guys were up till 4am the night before crushing lines and chopping down whores while The Mount guys were in their hotel rooms holding book club and they still managed to squeeze one out in overtime. I tuned in to a few minutes of it to show my support for JRock's Bonnies and that was a top 5 worst lacrosse game I've ever laid my eyes on. I've seen Maryland Public High School 2A games with a higher level of stick skills. I legit turned it off as they went to overtime because I knew what was going to happen too. The best part about that is, the Bonnies were +4 in that game, and how on earth the books decided to make Wagner a 4 point dog after last week is beyond me but thank you Vegas. This pick literally has nothing to do with Wagner in the slightest, it's simply following rule #1 of #TanPrinciples: FADE. THE. MOUNT.
The first play is a fun one and our first parlay of the season. We're hopping on the Air Force train after last week against Denver. This line makes no sense to me because Denver is way better than OSU and Denver only beat Air Force by 6. I think Vegas is sleeping on Air Force (like I was) but after watching them last week I think they can ball, and betting against Ohio State is always fun. Not sure why, but it just is. Maybe it's because of Mitchell Pehlke. As for the second game in this #Tanlay, Maryland respectfully looked like absolute dogshit last weekend and were so lucky to steal that one from Loyola. Their offense was non existent for the first half and Syracuse is a different beast this year. Cuse beating a legit Towson team by 11 after Hopkins only beating them by 1 is all I need to see in order to absolutely smash this Cuse line. This game could be a blowout gentlemen, maybe the biggest we've seen in College Park in a long time. I may even decide to hammer this one by itself on Saturday is I get enough stews in me. Syracuse's offense looks unstoppable and that paired with Maryland having scoring troubles could make for an ugly one for the Terps.
Back to the grind boys, let's have a weekend. 🆓🍻🔜
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