Well gents I am getting absolutely thunderfucked by DraftKings sportsbook right now. I got a DM on IG from some guy claiming to be a oddsmaker in his bio that just said "Get raped buddy." Fuck that guy. Every gambler goes through a couple cold streaks here and there but I am in fucken Winnipeg Alberta Canada right now. This week, my strategy is to throw shit at the wall and see if it sticks.
2025 Season Record
Record: 2-5
Risk: $450.00
Winnings: $319.00
Net Gain/Loss: -131.00
#NiceDeficitTan Last week was fucken bullshit and here's why.
I trusted Syracuse.
The Mount covered a spread.
I mean first of all, I totally earned that parlay loss by trusting Syracuse. They do the same shit at the beginning of every season, which is beat Vermont or Hobart in the dome by a zillion and then lose to the first real team they play. They looked fucken awful in the rain which makes sense considering they're used to 70 degrees and sunny in the dome for the first half of every season. Bunch of spoiled brats if you ask me. Also, how the fuck did The Mount cover a spread. Going to have to do some research on this but that might be their first time in program history achieving this very normal feat. Hang the banner boys you're still a fucken garbage lacrosse program. It has always been, and will always be, #FadeTheMount.
This week:
Siena ML @ LIU, St. John's ML vs. Hofstra. +193
Wager: $50 to pay: $146.94
Utah -3 @ Vermont, Marist ML @ Binghamton. +199
Wager: $50 to pay: $149.79
As you can tell I wasn't lying at the beginning of this article when I said we're gonna throw shit at the wall and see if it sticks. We're going to need to hit a parlay here to start clawing back, so we're ripping our first couple moneylines of the season to try and do that.
Siena bent over Hofstra last week, and I think I can speak for everyone that isn't associated with either of those programs when I say I did not see that coming at all. The final was 17-11 but if you saw any of that game (don't ask me why I did), that shit was never close. It seems like Siena will be a solid mid-level D1 team this year, and unfortunately for LIU they fall into The Mount tier so we will be hammering Siena here. Great transition into the second part of this play, St. John's looks like a much more coherent squad than last year, and believe it or not after getting their backs blown out last week, Hofstra is the favorite here. We're going for the sneaky home dog in St. John's for the second leg of this play, let's see what the Johnnies are made of.
Utah has very much impressed me to start off this season. They kept it a 2 goal game last week against a strong Denver team and had an absolute barnburner against Delaware two weeks ago. That game was fucken so sick by the way (Towson's still winning the CAA). I like Utah to absolutely bury Vermont in this spot. Nothing against Vermont, they're always one of the swaggiest teams in D1 when it comes to gear and they always seem to have an attackman with sick flow that absolutely lives and dies by sniping corners underhand. Shoutout Vermont you guys are cool but you're toast here. Marist has a sneaky baller in Sophomore attackman Collin Patrick, and the fellas only lost to Jacksonville by 3. I've literally never heard a good word about Binghamton (school or city) in my entire life and I can't say I've ever caught a game of theirs either. A quick google search just let me know that Binghamton is known as the "Carousel Capital of the World." Well, this isn't 1913 buddy so no one fucken cares. Roll Marist.
Let's see what we get out of these picks here gentlemen. We may be facing a catastrophic record if this weekend doesn't go our way but one thing about me is I ain't no quitter. Time to get back in it. 🆓🍻🔜