**Ford is currently hung bag down under in Australia so I had to post his work. Enjoy.
I’m sure you already know this but it's a wonderful week for the firm. Trump just won the presidential election, and all the libtards are threatening to off themselves or go on a sex strike. It’s a damn good thing none of them are hot. But some other implications to this go beyond abortion and pronouns and all that nonsense. Now that Trump is in power, what will happen to the NESCAC?
The NESCAC was and in my opinion, still is the best conference in division 3. Am I biased? Maybe. I graduated from Midd in ‘02. I wheeled so many birds, touched more bag than you can imagine, lead the team in penalty minutes, and almost got 4 DUI’s, but my dad’s lawyers are the reason I’m still allowed to drive. However, my experience isn’t the same as everybodies right now. There are rainbow flags, they/thems instead of bleacher bunnies, and the hottest girl at most Nescac schools would be a 5.5 at best if they went to a place like ASU.
Casey D’annolfo took the good name of the conference and threw it into the fire last year. He’s a big reason why it’s called the #LIBCAC. And when he won the national championship, for a brief moment I almost thought the Nescac was finished. RIT was the last team that had true grit and embraced the blue collar D3 style of play left in the tournament. But they just got rinsed by a team coached by a guy who gets off to watching other men fuck his wife.
Now that Trumps elected, all that shit comes to an end. In his presidency, the nescac teams that did the best were Amherst, Wesleyan, and Bates. Although I don’t really fuck with Bate’s performance as of yet, they were much better before Biden was in office. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Wesleyan has always been consistent, and Coach Raba is a forklift. The dirty birds are some of the grittiest teams in the conference year in and year out.
There will be no more coaches with he/him in their insta bio, and the lads will be able to get rowdy again. Some of you may have missed this but when I was at Trump’s election watch party, I asked him and JD Vance “What is their plan for making the NESCAC better?”
This was his answer:
“The guys will be grittier. You won’t need a cialis to wheel any of the nescac birds because they’ll all be hot. The game will get better, more hits, better officiating, and these guys will once again know the meaning of accountability and hard work! No more sissies like Pauliberal ruining the growth of the game. No more cucks like Casey D’annolfo destroying a team that has nailgun potential. No more “chicks” with grotesque manly proportions cheering you on in the student section that you might end up nailing if you get blackout drunk at the after party. Now you will be boozing and hitting the slopes with the hockey team every week until October in the fall. You will take courses in welding and lumber so you hit the investment banking interviews with more grit than the next guys. And last but not least, guys who are grizzly long cut no spitters will get full ride scholarships.”
Now, all we need to do is it and wait and the magic will happen. Our lives just got better.
Cheers,
Ford Blumpkinton
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